10 Things you should know before marriage

One of the reasons that people don’t have successful marriages is because they didn’t have lengthy and serious conversation before they got married. Here is a list of questions that can help you confirm that you truly found the right person, or it can let you know that you shouldn’t rush into that commitment. Honesty is really key, and if you know these things about your mate, and vice versa, it could minimize the chances of cold feet on the big day.

10. Personal hygiene. This is important, but not as important as everything else. Cleanliness is more important to some people than others. Personal care is a very obvious thing to see when you are dating, but you need to know how they live.

• How often do they tidy their home?
• Wash dishes?
• Vacuum? People are either messy or tidy in general.
• Which one are they, and can you live with it?

9. Living Habits. For example, bathroom time, bedtime, and quality time are really important, and you need to know if there is major conflict with lifestyle timing.

• Handling money is also an issue that has to be agreed upon before the knot is tied.
• You also need to discuss who is going to cook and clean.

8. What gets on their nerves? No matter how much you love them, I am sure you can think of something that you don’t particularly like. Be honest about it with them, and practice not getting on each other’s nerves.

7. Their love language. Sometimes people feel the most loved when you say heart-felt things to them. Others feel the most loved when they get a thoughtful gift. It can be physical touch, quality time, or acts of service, as well as encouraging words or gifts. Make sure that you both speak each other’s language so that you can touch each other with the deepest love possible.

6. What about children? It is also extremely important that you both agree on discipline methods. Raising children should be at least discussed and outlined before you say ‘I do.’

• Do you want children?
• How many?
• Do you and your partner want the same amount?

5. Family relationships. It is not necessarily true that they will treat the new family you are creating in the same way, but knowing this can help you understand them better. Much of their personality is probably bits and pieces that come from the way they were raised, and how their family acts. All families have issues, but make sure that you are comfortable with the closeness, or distance, of their family to your new lives.

• What is their family like?
• How do they treat their family?
• How does their family treat them?

4. How do they handle hard times? Marriage is not always easy. There will be disagreements. You and your partner will be tired after work sometimes. The both of you might even end up needing some personal space. Besides the minor conflict, sometimes major problems come up. The loss of a job, unplanned pregnancy, miscarriages, death in the family, car accidents, and serious illness are all factors of life that you can’t always predict.

• Will your partner, or you, fall apart?
• Will you be able to comfort and encourage each other?
• Will you be committed to each other, even if the life you are planning doesn’t happen the way you pictured it?

3. Moral standards/ religious beliefs.

2. Expectations of marriage. From household chores to checkbook balancing,

• What does your partner expect you to be responsible for?
• What do you expect from them?
• Do you expect gifts and romance all the time or do you figure that once you are married you’re ‘passed’ all of that?

1. Life goals. Everyone should have a basic plan and a dream. Find out if that is really what you want to share down the road. It is the age old question that everyone should ask: “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” Take it a little further and ask:

• Where do you want to be in 20 years?
• What are their career goals?
• Where do they want to live?
• Are they goal orientated or do they flow through life going wherever the wind takes them?

You just can’t know everything about a person. The years ahead will challenge you, and you will learn much more about them and yourself as time goes on. If you cover the basics and both stay committed, you should have a long and happy marriage.

By Chesley Maldonado